Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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