that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
