Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Randomize
