Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
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I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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