So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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