all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
