I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
