i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
