last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
