At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
