I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
