Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We smell like vodka and hangover
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