The maid of honor just puked.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
