No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
