I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
