May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
