chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
