Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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