So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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