I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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