is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
