I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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