so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She bit a glass in half.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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