you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
someone owes me an orgasm
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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