you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
