Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
