My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
