i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize