Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
