Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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