the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
