my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
