I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
