So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
