vagina is talking i cant
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
this is an emotional support booty call
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
