Tell her she can't have a vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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