hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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