she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
