I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
