He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
