so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
