You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
