They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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