i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
