I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
