It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
