you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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