i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
