i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
