Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
