Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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