he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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