when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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