I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I will die if light touches me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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