I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
