I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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