mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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