I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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