Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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