I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
