a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My breasts were aching with rage.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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