I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
