woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
