Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
