Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
