Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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