Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
