I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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