I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
