I love having hate sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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