He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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