guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
