walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
