he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
