On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
