dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize