He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
